You know those To Do items that never wind up crossed off your list?  They’re either too complicated, too depressing or too scary to jump into and you wind up putting them off indefinitely and eventually lose the list or take off in an entirely different direction to avoid doing it before you’re ‘ready’.  I have a few of those on my list right now because I’m at a little crossroads in my life right now.  Nope, it’s a big one, maybe the biggest of my life.  See, I’m on the verge of publishing a book, my first one, and I have never done anything like this in my life.  I’m pretty ill-prepared and doing everything by braille, feeling my way through it with my gut because there’s so much I don’t know that I have to rely on my intuition to guide me.   I have been collecting support for this project for years and I have plenty of momentum built up, but a few details have caused me to balk at the edge of the River of Change.

One of those details has been the process of *STARTING A BLOG*.  You know, a piece of  that whole ‘selling yourself to an agent, publisher, the WORLD’ thing.  Big AND scary!  It’s that ‘coming out of the closet’ thing, the act that announces to the world that you’ve got something cooking and you intend to launch it on them, ready or not.  I’ve been putting it off for YEARS.  Not that I haven’t thought about it and blogged here and there, I was just afraid to go public with it.  So I did a couple of pieces on my little myspace account and left them up for my friends to read and comment on and left it at that.  Most of it was entirely too raw ( I thought) for mainstream, too personal.  The idea of writing and censoring  my feelings to gain the approval of an audience wasn’t very appealing either, so I got bored with myspace and moved on.  Until this week.

I have to say here that I’m a big fan of facebook.  I have made more amazing connections and had more beautifully executed synchronicities (meaningful coincidences) since I joined facebook than probably most of the rest of my life so far.  It’s been a wonderful ride through time, certainly a vehicle for some of my best personal growth and apparently it’s not done doing that for me.

This week I had a friend request from one of my oldest girlfriends.  We’ve known each other since first or second grade.  We’ve both had a lot of challenges to overcome and we haven’t always stayed close, but we always seem to come back around and touch base with each other again after a good growth spurt and hit if off like nothing ever happened.  I hadn’t seen her in several years but she’d been on my mind for a few months and then suddenly there she is again, out of the blue, on facebook.  We’ve been emailing notes back and forth for a couple of days now, but what she said in her 3rd one is what prompted this entry.

“I read some of your blogs on myspace.”  is what she wrote.  She doesn’t have a myspace account.  I immediately opened a new tab, googled my name and lo and behold, guess what pops up almost at the top?  My “too personal for primetime” blog posts on myspace.  I have no idea how long they’ve been out there for the whole world to see, but I’m glad that I know now, grateful that my friend put that information in my hands, because that was the catalyst for the blog you are reading right now.  I don’t know how this is done in ‘the business’ and I may have to start another one specific to the book when the time comes, but for now I am unapologetically blogging whatever comes up right here.  It may not be pretty but it will be real.

Thanks for your company on the journey… ❤

∞ E