Archive for March, 2010

One of my strongest desires is to help people (and animals) who are hurt or struggling.

I’m a fairly resourceful girl, a Virgo with some decent analytical skills {ha!}.  I’ve done a lot of research and experimentation with what I’ve learned, a lot of work on myself, a lot of healing, with and without the aid of other folks in my life.  So, naturally my tendency when I discover someone suffering is to try and help them as quickly and efficiently as possible with the information I already have because, a)  what’s the point in suffering needlessly? and b) if you implement one of my coping mechanisms with the desired result, then I have someone I can converse with about being spirit having a human experience which is my most favorite subject in the world.  In theory it’s a win win, but it doesn’t always work that way.  I’m not always necessarily a good listener because of this.  I’ll have one ear tuned in to the conversation but the rest of my mind is going, “Oooh, ooo, I know this one!  Pick ME, pick ME!” and trying to intuit that link, that commonality between our two experiences so I can draw the line as to how what I’m about to share  is going to help them rise above this particular problem.  Many times it works out great even if it’s incremental, it’s enough to turn their focus to a new horizon.  I’d like to say that this would show up as ‘results driven’ on a resume, but honestly what I think it boils down to is impatience.  I don’t know how to nurture someone without trying to steer their boat out of the mud.  I don’t know how to be anyone’s ‘safe haven’, and it takes effort to show my love without using words.  I’m much better at talking people off a cliff, dusting them off and sending them on their way with an altered perception.

But personally, some of my most restful, content and feeling-loved times were when someone just held me or listened and didn’t try to ‘fix’ it.  I would like to be able to be THAT kind of person more often.  I wish I was better about just allowing people to find their own way and loving them through it without directing traffic. To those who have that part mastered, I salute you, it’s a beautiful thing.  Thank You.

“Failed” Relationships

I hear a lot of people talking about having ‘failed’ their romantic relationships.  I think there’s a faulty assumption or expectation out there that we’re supposed to ‘make’ a relationship work and that if we don’t, we somehow ‘fail’ at it.  I’m still getting my head around this concept so please bear with me.

I still have regrets about a couple of ended relationships, things I wish I’d done differently, things I wish I’d known about myself before that I could have worked with for change and maybe saved the relationship, but ultimately it wasn’t up to me.  The timing, the circumstances, the emotional or physical resonance wasn’t right for it to continue working, so it ended.  They say there are three sides to every story; yours, mine and the truth, but really truth is all there is.  Your truth looks different than mine and mine probably bears no resemblance to yours.  We can’t know what it’s like to walk around in someone else’s body, with someone else’s heart, their experiences and expectations, so we can’t decide for them what works and what doesn’t.  The heart isn’t logical, it doesn’t do what makes sense and it doesn’t follow the path of least resistance.  It’s either in or it’s out, sometimes overnight.  It’s not as simple as ‘falling out of love’.  Often we still love that person immensely, we just can’t see ourselves fulfilled continuing down the same path into a future that doesn’t resonate with our desires and passions.  We don’t marry someone thinking that we’re NOT going to stay together for life.  We just change.  Our partners change.  We learn things about ourselves, we grow at different rates, we find out we don’t really have similar values or sometimes we’re in denial about our needs or about who our partner really is, but we don’t FAIL.

We need to remember that we came here with a plan, we created this reality for ourselves, this lesson plan, these co-conspirators for growth.  By not allowing yourself or them to move on when the relationship has played out, you’re limiting yourself to only what’s possible within the realm of that particular relationship, trying to control the outcome, which is not the point.  If you’re staying in something that doesn’t fulfill you or challenge you or resonate with you because you feel obligated to a ‘deal’ or ‘contract’ you made with another human being, you are depriving both of you of opportunities for happiness and growth.

We all want to feel happy, content, secure and loved.  We’re all good people, no matter what we believe about ourselves (and just because we believe something doesn’t make it true!).  Your heart always knows better than your head what’s right for YOU and the same goes for your partner.   If your lover isn’t feeling it anymore, you don’t get to decide differently for them or force them into submission.  You are two completely different people.  No one owes you the rest of their life and nor do you owe them yours, no matter what promise you made.  Things change.  It can be incredibly painful when a relationship ends, but tears don’t hurt, your heart doesn’t really break, you don’t die from losing someone.  You heal, you pick up your pieces, you grow, you learn something new about yourself, you move on.  Hopefully you find yourself at some point and learn to put yourself first, where you belong. This is YOUR life too.

  • Always honor your relationships when they end, it’s both an ending and a beginning, except now you have a lot more information to work with and your freedom to make a better choice for yourself.
  • Often we see someones actions but not their intent.  Learn to register intent, both in yourself and others.  You’ll be amazed at how dishonest you can be to get your way sometimes.  If you have to manipulate someone to get what you need, is that really the ideal person for you?
  • I was reminded last night that you can’t make room in your life for the thing you really want if you’re holding on to something else that’s not serving you as well.  Let go of the stone.
  • Practice loving yourself unconditionally.  No negative self-talk, no put downs, no faces in the mirror.  Accept what is and go from there.  Find things to admire about you.  Don’t forget to pat yourself on the back sometimes for everything you’ve endured and remind yourself how far you’ve come.

There are no failures.

Quotes – Change

“If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we are not really living. Growth demands a temporary surrender of security.” – Gail Sheehy

I’m a big believer in affirmations for one simple reason:  they WORK!

I’ve adopted them from many sources, but where they come from doesn’t matter as long as they need to feel right to YOU.  I’m also a big fan of  the ‘Fake It ‘Til You Make It’ method.

The very first one I remember writing was:  Jim and I have a creative new purpose that provides us with more than enough to live the life of our dreams

It hung above my desk 5 years ago and I looked at it nearly daily.  Tried to imagine what that would look like.  Roughly 8 months later we both had new jobs in a new city with a 400% increase in resources and a whole new menu of experience available to us.  That did it-I was hooked.   Shortly thereafter I actually watched The Secret and learned a lot more about how to channel my energy into creating my experience.  The Secret and Louise Hay’s video, You Can Heal Your Life are both great tools to start creating change in your life.

A little over a year ago, I took a couple of hours and made an art project out of making some affirmations for my bathroom mirror; things to concentrate on while I’m brushing my teeth, doing my hair, putting on makeup, sitting on the toilet, you know…those times when multi-tasking is tough {wink}.  I got out my spiffy Sharpie colored permanent markers (it’s a really good excuse to buy them if you have a pen fetish like I do) and set about filling two 8.5 x 11 sheets of pretty stationery with the best affirmations I could come up with at the time.

I’ve given credit where I can remember the source and I’d like to share them with you here:

  • I Love You, Erika.  I really Love You (Louise Hay)
  • Only GOOD lies before me (Louise Hay)
  • I create MY reality (Louise Hay)
  • I bring Love to everything
  • I have a beautiful Purpose that provides me with Abundance in all things.  I am blessed
  • Only Love is Real.  I am surrounded by Love
  • I gladly release all extra weight from my body and the thoughts that create it
  • I am a published and successful WRITER 🙂
  • I am aligned with my purpose
  • I forgive and set myself free (Louise Hay)
  • I am grateful for my healing
  • I have a beautiful and rewarding relationship with myself
  • I am INSPIRED!
  • I am SMOKE-FREE!
  • I learn something new every day
  • I am safe ~ I am loved ~ I am free ( I found this on someone’s blog one night when I was stranded at the airport in KC in an ice storm)
  • New teachers come to me
  • I have plenty of time and energy to do all that I want to do
  • I am blessed in all ways.  I am so grateful for my blessings

As with any change, it can be scary to take that first step, even if it’s just thinking in terms of changing something.  You have a lot more power than you think in terms of your reality.  Use your power wisely and use care in how you word your wishes.  A new Beamer would be cool, but if you receive it through an inheritance from someone you’d rather be spend more time with that’s not such a good thing.  Let me know if you’d like more tips on framing and writing affirmations, I’ve had a lot of practice.  🙂

May the Force be with you 🙂

You Can Quote Me:

You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t hold their heads under for long.  – E Boyer

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