My best friend is leaving for Australia tomorrow. I’m taking her to the airport. It’s been weighing on me for weeks, kind of hanging in the back of my mind and blurting itself out every once in awhile when I’m not ready for it. I’m still not ready for it. I’m happy for HER. I know she misses her husband and the last several months have been hard on her, trying to get everything ready to go. She’s been through a lot of changes and has a lot more coming when she gets there, I don’t envy her having to adjust to a new lifestyle in a foreign country where they drive on the wrong side of the road. I know she’s got a few years of wonderful adventures to look forward to too and I intend to go visit as soon as I can. I’m just feeling a lot of loss tonight. I know that it’s going to be ok, that this is just another step in our evolution, another level of depth to add to our friendship, to our individual experiences. I wish there’d been more time to spend though. If I had known a year ago that she would be leaving now, I would have done some things differently. I would have spent more time with her doing girl stuff, I would have been less stuck in my own problems and been there for her more, I would have found a way to show her how much her friendship means to me. I hope she knows how much I love her. I hope she understands how much of a lifeline she’s been and that I never expected how much I would come to depend on her to keep me going and thinking and believing in myself. I wish we hadn’t lost the years in between when I knew her before and the last ten. I hope she knows what an inspiration she’s been and how much she’s taught me about being a friend. She’s given me a sense of family that I didn’t know before. A place to be on holidays, a shoulder, an ear, someone to share the best parts of life with, a vision of a future I wouldn’t have known could exist without her influence, a safe place to be myself, even at my worst.  We’ve shared lots of ugly and propped each other up through it all and came out better than before. She’s accepted me with all my faults and loved me in spite of them. I don’t know who we’ll be next time we see each other, but I hope we never lose this bond.  I’m really going to miss her.

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