You just don’t know
How big a hole you leave when you go
How much time has to pass until I don’t ache
For the way my heart felt when I was yours?
How do I learn not to measure each man
By the standard that is you?
How do I make myself let someone in
When I don’t want anyone to take your place?
When do I stop feeling so damned alone?
Why all the reservations?
I love my life and the people in it
But I don’t let them get too close
I don’t want to waste their time,
Get tangled up in their emotional response
And have to extricate myself
Because they don’t feel like you, like home
Because I’m not willing to settle for less
Than the sun shining on my face
At what point do I stop missing you
In my life, in my heart, in my bed, in my head?
You haunt me when I least expect it
At three am when I’m trying to sleep

My heart fairly shrieks with loss
And it makes me write it all down

I stumble over you in the dark sometimes
When I thought I’d had all that cleaned up and put away
I hear your voice in my dreams, even when I’m awake
I get tripped up by old voice mails, old emails, old conversations

That seem like they happened yesterday

Sometimes everything is off kilter

It looks good from the outside

But it feels all wrong inside

Like I got on the wrong plane
You’re everywhere here but I can’t find even one of your shirts
I’m tired but I can’t sleep, the bed is too damn big
I’m tired of feeling lost and alone, not belonging
No one has my back, nothing to look forward to

I don’t know what to do with this heart
How can it feel so full when something
So vital is missing?
How do you not feel this emptiness?
Where is the light? Where did I leave my joy?
I still don’t know how to not be your girl sometimes

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