Archive for November, 2013

Oil & Water

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be the center of someone’s world, but if that’s what you want, don’t choose someone with an expanded view and experience of the world and expect them to limit themselves to the space you take up in it.

I am through being anyone’s exotic pet. There are women out there who would be more than happy to play house and orbit around you and make your needs and the relationship their sole focus and source of everything – but I’m not that woman. If you don’t or can’t get that, be honest with both of us and walk away instead of trying to cram me into the ridiculous box of relationship expectations you keep dragging with you everywhere you go. Your expectation of me has no basis in my experience of reality. I have no obligation to be what you want me to be. Your ‘investment’ in me does not deed you my heart. We’re speaking different languages, coming from different places, and you trying to wrestle/manipulate me into submission is not going to give you the result you desire. I’m choosing to leave this because I know better than to beat my head against a brick wall.  I don’t need to justify my truth. 

I care about you very much.  I want you to succeed and be satisfied in life, I want you to know Love.  Please, find someone who wants the same things you want, be happy, move on. I’ll be happy for you. You’ll be happier. The reason you’re miserable is that you’re resisting the truth… just stop. It’s not personal, it just IS. Oil and water don’t mix.

Blessing you and your journey and moving on. 

Letting Go

I have to say it hit me pretty hard to hear you’re seeing someone.  I struggled with that for quite a while.  I guess a part of me is attached to the idea that someday we would try again, when I had grown enough to be the partner you needed.  I wanted to believe in that because the time I spent with you was maybe the only time in my life where I felt I was where I belonged.  Maybe a large part of my spiritual growth has been initiated due to that belief, but I wanted it for myself too and I don’t regret it, it’s all been for the greater good.  I like who I am a lot better now, I respect me and I feel satisfied with myself, which I can’t remember ever having felt before.  You told me a long time ago that whoever taught me that I was not enough just as I am did me a huge disservice and I finally believe it.  Thank You for leaving that bread crumb for me to find again.  I’ve come to know that I am ok just as I am.  I am competent, I am resourceful, I am kind, I am generous, and I am living with integrity, unfolding my own truth.  It’s the greatest work I’ve ever done, and for your contribution to that, whether you knew it or not, I am very grateful. 

I want you to know that I harbor no ill feelings toward the new woman in your life.  I truly want the best for you, I want you to have love in your life, and I want you to be happy and satisfied.  The timing of this isn’t lost on me, so I understand that this door is closed for now and you need your privacy.  I will honor that.  Know that I send you light and love every time I think of you, and I’m not hanging on any expectation for or of you.  I just love you and bless your journey. 

I’ve been the most important woman in your life for ten years; it’s awkward stepping back from that post and making room for someone else, someone I don’t know.  I miss your voice  I’m sure I’m going to miss you talking me through a roadtrip at 1am, or calling you up to tell you what cool thing happened to me today, because you’re the first person I want to share it with, because I know you’ll GET it and you’ll share it with me in a meaningful way.  My victories, my brick walls, my stumblings, you always know how to be there for me.  The out of the blue calls to check in that last for hours and always add something to our experience, and the answers that we’ve always seemed to have for each other, the music, the shared synchronicities that seem to pop up even though we’re a thousand miles apart, the wisdom we find in unexpected places.  I even miss you complaining about the traffic in Seattle.  It’s been rough going through this latest storm without you, but I’m doing it.  The karmic connections from this to the us of back then are evident, I’m doing for myself what you had to do for you at one time, and you gave me the tools to do that.  Again, Thank You.  I’m taking my life back.  I’m doing something meaningful with my time, and the ways that your words and actions are wound into that are infinite. 

You’re my best friend.  I wish you all that you want and need.  I love you. 

People, we have to stop claiming this government.

It’s not “our” government. We have absolutely no bearing or influence on the decisions they make because they’re not asking for our input.  They let us vote on little things, things that don’t necessarily matter. All of the big stuff… no vote – they just pass it. They’re not our lords or masters, they’re a bunch of overpriced hookers for a lot of parasites with $$ connections. We have to stop claiming them or claiming responsibility for them, even in jest, in sarcasm or out of habit. They don’t care about us. We have no representation. They don’t want us to know how many constituents are calling and complaining, or how they’re being asked to vote by the citizens of this country. They used to tell us what our neighbors thought. Now they just project their talking points onto the tv screen to make us think our friends and neighbors are the enemy – and a lot of us buy it, going around huffing and puffing like a bunch of self-righteous pricks about the ‘liberal media’ and the ‘religious right’ … who fucking cares? Who labeled them? The TV. Two words – Paid Actors.  So running your face (or fingers) about these labels just proves you’ve been sucked into their fantasy. What’s better about that than being addicted to The Bachelor? You’re not making a difference, you’re still wasting your precious time on something that’s staged for ratings, and you’re alienating yourself from your peers and the people you care about. How is that WINNING? Fuck those guys.

Quit buying what they’re selling. Talk to actual people that you know… real human beings, your co-workers, your parents, your kid’s teachers, your fb friends. Quit using their buzzwords, quit lumping people together into groups of stupid. NONE of us are completely sold on every aspect of what these ‘parties’ claim to stand for – talk to people about real shit that matters. Make a statement with your dollars. Don’t support them or their corporate interests. If you do, don’t bitch.

These people in government have traded their humanity and integrity for a portfolio and a Get out of Jail Free card, they have ZERO accountability to the the actual citizens of this country – or any other country – CLEARLY. We can’t energetically support a system that does not benefit us, it’s insanity.  Every time we acknowledge one of these lowlifes we give them power.  It has to stop.  They’re only human, and they lack integrity, honor, compassion, and true purpose.  Their only job is to separate us from what matters and collect a check.  

These people are not fit to govern my life. I denounce everything they stand for.
I govern ME. This is not MY government.

Me:  Why the sudden change of heart?

He:  I realized I might never see you again, and I wasn’t willing to risk it.

He:  “Whoever told you that you weren’t amazing just exactly the way you are did you a huge disservice.  You are more than enough.”

He: So, have you given any thought to the two of us seeing how this would work romantically? I mean obviously way back we did, but we never got it off the ground, never got to finish… but I mean like recently, in the last few years?

Me: Some

He: I KNEW it! I KNEW you wanted to see me naked!

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