I have to say it hit me pretty hard to hear you’re seeing someone.  I struggled with that for quite a while.  I guess a part of me is attached to the idea that someday we would try again, when I had grown enough to be the partner you needed.  I wanted to believe in that because the time I spent with you was maybe the only time in my life where I felt I was where I belonged.  Maybe a large part of my spiritual growth has been initiated due to that belief, but I wanted it for myself too and I don’t regret it, it’s all been for the greater good.  I like who I am a lot better now, I respect me and I feel satisfied with myself, which I can’t remember ever having felt before.  You told me a long time ago that whoever taught me that I was not enough just as I am did me a huge disservice and I finally believe it.  Thank You for leaving that bread crumb for me to find again.  I’ve come to know that I am ok just as I am.  I am competent, I am resourceful, I am kind, I am generous, and I am living with integrity, unfolding my own truth.  It’s the greatest work I’ve ever done, and for your contribution to that, whether you knew it or not, I am very grateful. 

I want you to know that I harbor no ill feelings toward the new woman in your life.  I truly want the best for you, I want you to have love in your life, and I want you to be happy and satisfied.  The timing of this isn’t lost on me, so I understand that this door is closed for now and you need your privacy.  I will honor that.  Know that I send you light and love every time I think of you, and I’m not hanging on any expectation for or of you.  I just love you and bless your journey. 

I’ve been the most important woman in your life for ten years; it’s awkward stepping back from that post and making room for someone else, someone I don’t know.  I miss your voice  I’m sure I’m going to miss you talking me through a roadtrip at 1am, or calling you up to tell you what cool thing happened to me today, because you’re the first person I want to share it with, because I know you’ll GET it and you’ll share it with me in a meaningful way.  My victories, my brick walls, my stumblings, you always know how to be there for me.  The out of the blue calls to check in that last for hours and always add something to our experience, and the answers that we’ve always seemed to have for each other, the music, the shared synchronicities that seem to pop up even though we’re a thousand miles apart, the wisdom we find in unexpected places.  I even miss you complaining about the traffic in Seattle.  It’s been rough going through this latest storm without you, but I’m doing it.  The karmic connections from this to the us of back then are evident, I’m doing for myself what you had to do for you at one time, and you gave me the tools to do that.  Again, Thank You.  I’m taking my life back.  I’m doing something meaningful with my time, and the ways that your words and actions are wound into that are infinite. 

You’re my best friend.  I wish you all that you want and need.  I love you. 

∞E
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