Category: Affirmations & Law of Attraction


I am ready and willing to release the need to hurt myself.
Am I punishing myself?  Do I believe that I am ‘bad’ because someone once (ok-way more than once) told me so (at the top of their lungs) while they were punishing me? Did their justification for it validate that belief or did it create it? What could I have possibly done at eight to elicit that response?
I was punished, degraded and called names by unaware, unenlightened people who couldn’t control their angst and anger, who were not in touch with their feelings, who couldn’t tap into their compassion, their heart. That condition is not (was not) a reflection of ME. I am not (was not) responsible for their feelings or lack of awareness, then or NOW, although I believed I was. So much easier to blame the child than to get a grip on yourself, or ask someone for HELP.
I am GOOD. I WAS good. My intentions were good. I was sensitive and intuitive and my heart was open, until I adopted that belief, that I was wrong…bad. I’ve spent the last 23 years proving to myself that I’m undeserving, that I don’t belong, that my feelings and my experience don’t matter, that I’m responsible for other people’s reactions, that my needs aren’t important, because there’s something in me that isn’t RIGHT.
But the buck stops here.
You may have created me, you may have molded me and shaped my experience, but your words and actions no longer bind me to your definition of me in your anger. Clearly your life was not ideal, your experience difficult. But 40 years later, you are still stuck in that place and I refuse to spend the next 40 years blaming you or my experience of you for the outcome of my life. I’m sorry you can’t see me. I’m sorry you can’t wrap your mind around what I’ve become, largely through my own efforts, having little or nothing to do with your input or opinion or advice. And I’m sorry you can’t see yourself, that you feel lost and alone now, because someone obviously told you some of the same things you told me, and it’s hard to be still with yourself when you don’t hold a high opinion of YOU.
I’m going to bless you now, and every time I think of it, until that hole in me is mended. And I’m going to see you as the emotionally wounded individuals that you are, just as I am, deserving of love and compassion.   I’m not going to nurture that seed that was planted anymore, because I know it was not your intention to wound me. I am your child, but that’s not all that I am, I will not allow that experience to limit me any longer.

I love you and forgive you.

∞E

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I always wince when I hear people complain about their circumstances, especially if they’re expressing horribly negative things out loud.

How many times have you said or heard something like this:

“My job is killing me”

“My boss is a jerk”

“Life’s a bitch and then you DIE”

“He’s a pain in my ass”

“I’m so pissed OFF”

“There are no good men/women out there”

“My life sucks”

“People suck”

“I’m DYING here”

“Cigarettes will kill you”

“I can’t ____”

“I wish he’d die”

“I’m always broke”

“People always take me for granted”

“Everything I touch turns to sh__”

“I can’t catch a break”

“Nothing  ever works out for me”

“I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop”

“I’m not enough for him”

“I’m too OLD”

The problem with stating things like these as fact is that, a) they’re not TRUE, and b) the Universe is always going to give you more of what you’re focusing on-without exception.

The quality of your experience as a human being here on earth is based on your thoughts, your emotions, your beliefs and your choices.  You wouldn’t set out to wish horrible things on yourself or pray for miserable circumstances, would you?  You are creating your experience with every thought that goes through your head.  Say it out loud and you’re affirming it to yourself and whoever is listening, so you’ve doubled it’s power.  This is true for positive as well as negative thoughts, but we’re going to focus on the negative for a minute, because that’s where we get in trouble with ourselves.  No one’s out there complaining about being too damned happy, are they?  Feeling too good today?  Having too much fun with too much money?  Had to take yet ANOTHER rotten vacation?  Too lucky?  Nope, didn’t think so.   How often do you see someone who complains all the time win the lottery?  Marry the man of their dreams?  Get a fantastic promotion?  Be the life of the party?  Yep…me neither.  Cynical smirks are about as close to happy smiles as turds are to pickles, and just as much fun.

So, what do you do about your negative thoughts?  Your life is a shit storm, you’re under a lot of pressure at work or home, your health is deteriorating, your relationships are falling apart or not getting off the ground, people don’t want to be around you, your kids/spouse don’t respect you, you don’t feel appreciated, you don’t have enough time to do everything, you’ve got too much month at the end of the money…  isn’t it exhausting thinking about all of that?  Wow, I’m bummed just writing it!  How do you get any relief?  You train yourself.  You learn to pay attention to the noise that comes out of your head and you make a choice whether you’re going to blurt out negativity and vileness to be used against yourself or NOT.  It takes some practice, I’m not gonna lie.  You’re going to slip up and wish bad things on yourself out of reflex by venting something nasty once in a while –  BUT – you’ll start to notice it.  And at some point, in noticing, you’ll catch it before it flies out of your mouth and you will high-five yourself because that’s going to be a milestone on your personal journey towards happiness.

The other half of the equation is finding something better to replace those thoughts with.  We think thousands of thoughts a day.  Pay attention to them.  Are they mostly dull, lifeless, unhappy, unfulfilled, whiny, self-deprecating, worrisome, anxious or dead-end thoughts?  If so, YOU need some new thoughts.  Ask yourself this…are they your own?  Or did someone else put them there?  Did you hear similar thinking from your parents, teachers, church or the media?  Are you judging yourself by someone else’s model or moral standard?  They’re not living your life, who let them in there?  Go get the bouncer and 86 them from your head.  NOT YOUR STUFF.  It may take a while to weed through those imposters posing as your thoughts and beliefs, but get them out of there.  They’re taking up space where you could be storing good thoughts and healthy beliefs.

Next step is to find something good to replace the things you ejected.  Use the same method you used to notice your ugly thought patterns and start noticing the things that are working for you.  Maybe you’ve got a job you don’t like to go to everyday, but you have a great spouse or awesome kids to go home to every night.  Focus your thoughts on them and the joy, love, help, relief, pride, hope they bring you.  Be grateful.  Telling them you’re grateful is great, but if you can’t bring yourself to tell them, at least acknowledge your gratitude for them to yourself, out loud, in your car on your way to work.  In fact, you can use your commute to think about all the things you’re grateful for in your life.  Take stock.  What’s working for you?  Why is it working?  Because you haven’t beat it to death with negativity, it’s been under the radar.  See how this works?  Whatever we focus on, we send energy too.  Negative focus begets negative outcomes.  Positive focus creates positive outcomes.  Having problems with your spouse?  Try coming up with all the things you love about them and focusing on that for a while.  Nine times out of ten, they will feel your gratitude subconsciously and start modeling more of the things you love.  Feeling disrespected?  Start modeling respect and see what happens.  Not feeling heard or acknowledged?  Try listening.  Hate your job?  Try telling yourself “I love my job” and then find reasons to make it true, like;  they give me a fat paycheck every week, the cafeteria has a great cook, all my bills are paid, I have a window, they have good coffee…  It doesn’t have to be about the work itself, but pick out the good things about working there and focus on them.  If you can’t think of anything good, take work off the table.  They’re only paying you for 8 hours a day, why think about it for 12?  Your mind belongs to YOU.  You get to choose what goes on in there.  Worried about your health?  A lot of people feel that their bodies are failing them when they get sick or exhausted.  Your body is an amazing instrument.  It is always trying to keep you in optimal health, that’s its job.  If you don’t feel good, listen to it.  Quit putting junk in it.  Get enough sleep.  Your body is not the enemy.  Support it instead of fighting it. Be grateful to it for getting up every morning and moving you around the world, fighting off viruses, digesting your meals.  Who cares if it’s not magazine perfect?  What’s more important, the size of your butt or if your brain works?  Then we wonder why it quits working, when all it hears is what we don’t like about it.  That’s like telling an engineer his life’s work is unacceptable because he’s wearing purple reading glasses.  Stop rejecting your body over vanity, that’s retarded.

When did you stop dreaming?  Do you remember what makes your heart jump, what excites you?  Start paying attention to the world around you.  What stands out for you that you want more of?  Your old dreams might not fit you anymore, so don’t be afraid to go off in a different direction.  This isn’t costing you anything but a little time and energy to direct your thoughts.  Do you even know what you want your life to look like, ideally?  Get a picture of that in your head.  Change it up til it feels right to your heart.  Fantasize about it, invest time and some emotional energy in where you’d like to be.  Do NOT allow guilt or feelings of obligation to people or work interfere with your ideal.  This is YOUR  dream, they can have their own.  Do not allow your current lack of resources to influence your picture.  No limits.  Go there in your mind whenever possible.   If you don’t have an idea of what you want to feel like, where you want to be personally, then nothing you’re currently doing has any direction, which results in chaos and upheaval.  Understand this isn’t a goal to focus on achieving, it’s a state of mind where you are happy and fulfilled, which ultimately is what you want your physical reality to mirror.  This practice gives an outlet to your creative, happy energy and gives the Universe something to work on in the background while you’re putting one foot in front of the other in your current state of experience.

Finally, treat yourself as if you were your best friend.  You wouldn’t tell your best friend some of the terrible things you say to yourself when you look in the mirror, would you?  Don’t do it to yourself either.  If you don’t value yourself, you’re not looking hard enough at who you are, and how’s anyone else supposed to appreciate you if you don’t?  People in general are basically good and well-intentioned.  Start there and work into a healthier view of who you are and what you bring to the table.  Don’t compare yourself to others, quit knocking yourself for things you can’t help, and start appreciating yourself for the things you do well.  Give yourself a break once in a while.  No one is perfect and no one expects you to be either.  Not everyone is going to give you an atta-boy when you nail something, but you can do it for you.  Your outlook and sense of self-worth will thank you for it.  You’ll start noticing that in spite of whatever’s stacked against you at the moment, you’ll be more satisfied with your life, less anxious about your circumstances, and more hopeful and positive in your outlook, which will definitely bring you a better experience.

∞E

I’ve recently been checking out the Online Dating thing and I’ve gotta tell ya…it’s way tougher than it seems.  Big kudos to anyone with the huevos to put their heart out there looking for love.  I applaud you.

That being said, there are very few men that I’ve considered getting to know, based on their profiles and I’d like to offer up some advice to those who are actually in search of a woman of substance and integrity and not just a  good time.  Nothing wrong with that, but if your relationships are lacking meaning and depth and you’re actually wanting a soul connection, you’re gonna have to clean it up and get real.

  • Your Pictures – You may see this as shallow, but it’s the first visual contact we have with you.  Mugshots aren’t cool and unfortunately, those pics taken with your webcam are distracting.  Your food processor on the shelf behind you may tell us something interesting, but your laundry is something entirely different.  Do you have a friend?  Maybe one with a digital camera?  Give us a recent shot of you smiling for the main.  To coin a phrase from a friend, “We all looked better five to ten years ago, you’re just setting yourself up for rejection.” Show us you doing something you love, enjoying time out with your friends, something serious, something funny or interesting, you and your kids if you have them, your tats or toys for the rest.  We want to know who you ARE, not just what you look like late at night while you’re surfing the web.  You boys in cowboy hats, throw some shape on that thing after you dig it out of the back of your closet and before you present yourself in it online, you look like a goober.  We know the difference.
  • Your Interests-BUZZWORDS, yep I said it – use them!  Conservative, liberal, political, religious, spirituality, geo-caching, home improvement, your kids, movies, books, technology, leather, photography, psychic, philosophy, sailing, history, time-travel, skiing, climbing, self-help, motorcycles, cross-dressing, dogs, volunteering, coffee, causes, tattoos, chain mail armor, road trips, sushi, horror flicks, spelunking, working on cars.  Anything that you’re passionate about, put it out there so it shows up in a search.  The key is commonality.  If we can’t find you, we don’t know if there’s something there to work with or not.
  • Your Profile – I don’t like it anymore than you do, but technically this is your resume to the world of women.    State your intent.  Honestly.  If you’re looking to be the man next to one of us at the end of the day, tell us why that’s a good idea.  What are your strengths?  Weaknesses?  Passions?  What makes you pay attention to a particular type of woman and what type is she?  This is an exercise in asking the Universe for what you want in a relationship.  Half-assed profiles are going to get you half-assed results.  Get clear on who that girl is that you want and then tell us what that means.  Tell us what about you compliments that woman, so we get a picture in our heads and can decide whether we’re interested or not.  What do you do with your time?  What gives you joy?  Why?  Are you sensitive?  Strong?  If you want someone who’s not afraid to jump out of a perfectly good airplane, say so.  If you’re looking for a hippie chick, a good mom, someone who likes to read poetry by the fire, dominatrix,grandma, ball-busting business partner, conspiracy theorist, roller derby queen, big boobs, Buddhist…PUT IT OUT THERE.  Don’t compromise yourself by settling for any old pretty face.  Say what you mean, mean what you say, and don’t fluff it up to fill space.  You are perfectly acceptable and interesting just the way you are.  Dig deep and be REAL.  Someone out there is going to recognize and appreciate that, IF she can see what you’re about.  If you don’t write well, ask someone to help you present yourself, someone who knows and appreciates the person you are and is familiar with your strong points.  Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable, other men are not looking at your profile.
  • Your Updates – If you think of something you want to add, do it.  What’s on there is not set in stone.  People change, find new interests, change their minds.  Be current.
  • First Contact – Get to the point.  Tell us what it is you find interesting or attractive about us or our profile and give us some feedback about who YOU are.  I know I’m cute, what else?  If you have a gut feeling about someone but their profile is vague, act on it-but be specific about what you’re asking and don’t expect too much.  Quit trying so hard to be what we want.  Be who YOU are.  If your message is gushing about all the things we have in common and how we’re ‘The One’ for you, that’s a little freaky coming from someone we’ve never MET.  Cool your jets, Hoss.   Start a dialogue with something relevant.  If we feel it, we’ll respond.  Period.  I don’t want 4 emails telling me how much you like my hair, or agreeing with *everything* I said in my profile, or sappy crap about staring into my eyes for hours (CREEPY!), or asking me if I like to wear thongs.  You wouldn’t say that to someone you just met in person, would you?  Would you like it if all we were interested in was your IRA and an accurate measurement of your penis?
  • First date – Cripes!  Keep it simple!  Meet somewhere quiet and public and bring separate cars.  That way if she smells like a walrus or has a nicer mustache than yours, you can beat feet when you’re through with your coffee.  No long drives together, no helicopter (or ambulance) rides, no expensive dinners, no overnight trips to Vegas, no concerts.  Two people, exchanging ideas and eye contact and hopefully getting a better feel for each other than they did online.  Keep your expectations low, she’s just a human being, like you.  You’re out less than ten bucks and if you want to extend the date to something else, you can.  If she wants to see you again, it’s going to be very apparent.  You can plan the Costa Rican zipline tour for the next date after you’ve established that you like each other.
  • Finally, don’t be discouraged.  Things don’t always happen over night.  There is a huge ratio of men to women on these sites, sad but true.  We pretty much get to pick and choose who we want to give the time of day to.  We don’t always have time to answer all your emails in a day, or determine if there’s an interest, and many people are uncomfortable with outright rejection because they are sensitive to your feelings.  Don’t take it personally.  Make yourself seen, make yourself heard and leave the rest up to the Universe’s timing.  Enjoy the process of getting to know someone, savor the good stuff and don’t stress about the rest.  Everyone in your life is there for a reason, you don’t want to fill it with junk that’s not worthy of you anyway.  Use the time in between to get to know yourself and take care of YOU.  There’s nothing unlovable or unattractive about the person you are, it just takes the right woman to appreciate what you bring to the table and she’s worth waiting for.

∞E

I’ve known Money for a long time.  I met him when I was quite young and impressionable.  He promised me freedom and independence and contentment if I would just work hard at being with him.  I spent all of my summers putting in long hours just for a chance to spend time with him (interesting play on those words, don’t you think?), he would show up and then leave just as quickly.  I had an impeccable record, worked lots of overtime, gave them my best, never missed work, hardly even took the vacation time I earned because I never knew if Money was going to be around long enough to enjoy it.  Sometimes it would pay off and we could enjoy some time together before he would leave me again, but then I’d have to work extra hard to get him back.  Money chooses the kinds of jobs I can do too, he insists that I have a ‘real’ job most of the time, one that pays better but expects me to be completely submissive and unfulfilled while I’m there.  He seems to like it twice as much if I have a nagging, jealous or monitoring boss and if there are other people there just taking up space and oxygen for their paychecks.  He loves it when I go home and work after hours late into the night for him too.  When I’m not working, he loves to scare me about losing my house and not having insurance.  He doesn’t want me to be creative and happy, he wants me to be stuck and afraid so he can manipulate me.  It’s like he enjoys torturing me.

I see him with other women all the time.  ALL the time, out shopping for clothes and shoes, having dinner with friends, or partying on a pontoon boat in Breckenridge all weekend.  He acts like I’m not even there, never acknowledges me when I notice.  He flirts with them and tells them how nice they look and how much they deserve him, he seems to always be wrapped around their fingers, listening intently to their desires, no matter how common or exorbitant, and then seemingly snaps his fingers and makes it happen for them.  The time he and I spend together doesn’t look like that at all, in fact, just the opposite.  If I consider going out of town for a weekend, having dinner with a friend, or going to a movie or the track, he threatens to LEAVE me.  He goes as far as following me through the grocery store asking me, “Do you really need THAT?!  Come on now…”  He’s judgmental and cruel too.  When we get a chance to go shopping together for me, he says nasty things like, “Why don’t you wait and buy that later, after you lose some weight….  Oh THAT’S right, you’re never GOING to lose that weight, are you?!”  His remarks are like acid to me, eating away at my self-esteem.  He’s constantly watching the fuel gauge on my car telling me that I could save 45 bucks if I’d just stay home and call my girlfriend instead of driving up to see her for the afternoon.  Long ago we stopped going out for coffee unless it’s a special occasion because it’s so wasteful.  He’s stingy and controlling.  When I do buy something for myself, he looks down on me and makes me feel selfish and irresponsible.  He’s happy when he can make me feel vulnerable and not quite sure of myself.  It keeps me loyally working for him so he can go out and spoil someone else while I’m at work banging my head against the wall.

Money’s friends are, let me put it bluntly, assholes.  Well, he thinks they’re friends, but really they’re just associates, and they’re criminals.  All they’re doing is using each other to get what they want.  They plot together to make terrible things happen.  They start wars with no reasons, and create  ‘natural’ disasters that kill and injure thousands of people.  They taunt humanity and gain their trust and then pull the rug out from under them and LAUGH!  They cause desperation and then punish people for it.  They take away jobs and security, they poison oceans and sea life, they kill honey bees, and ruin farmland.  They sell things that aren’t theirs to sell, hike the prices up and then kill the people they stole it from.  They’re destructive, calculating, cold liars.  They laugh at us as we struggle.  We only want to have enough of what we need and some PEACE and good health so we can enjoy our lives without worrying, but that apparently is too much to ask.  They don’t care about us at all. For some reason Money doesn’t see that as a problem, he’s complicit.  I can’t love someone like that, he represents everything I hate about society.

The worst part is he’s not even my type.  He’s short and wiry, arrogant, cynical and rude.  He doesn’t care about people or their circumstances, has no sympathy, isn’t interested in making the world a better place, he seemingly has no heart.  He has a sharp tongue and is not afraid to use it and shows no remorse when he does.  No matter how deep his comments cut me, I have to get over it myself because I need HIM, not the other way around.  He holds me hostage and I resent him for it.  When I’m around him, instead of feeling loved, safe and protected, I feel big and clumsy, desperate and embarrassing to him.    He’s like that arrogant jock in high school who is so taken with himself that he walks around snubbing all but the most popular girls.  He’s all about the show.  All talk and no substance and more worthless by the day which makes him all the more hard to stomach.  He’s a bully. I don’t care for him and clearly he’s not concerned with my outcome, I should end this.

I’m a big believer in affirmations for one simple reason:  they WORK!

I’ve adopted them from many sources, but where they come from doesn’t matter as long as they need to feel right to YOU.  I’m also a big fan of  the ‘Fake It ‘Til You Make It’ method.

The very first one I remember writing was:  Jim and I have a creative new purpose that provides us with more than enough to live the life of our dreams

It hung above my desk 5 years ago and I looked at it nearly daily.  Tried to imagine what that would look like.  Roughly 8 months later we both had new jobs in a new city with a 400% increase in resources and a whole new menu of experience available to us.  That did it-I was hooked.   Shortly thereafter I actually watched The Secret and learned a lot more about how to channel my energy into creating my experience.  The Secret and Louise Hay’s video, You Can Heal Your Life are both great tools to start creating change in your life.

A little over a year ago, I took a couple of hours and made an art project out of making some affirmations for my bathroom mirror; things to concentrate on while I’m brushing my teeth, doing my hair, putting on makeup, sitting on the toilet, you know…those times when multi-tasking is tough {wink}.  I got out my spiffy Sharpie colored permanent markers (it’s a really good excuse to buy them if you have a pen fetish like I do) and set about filling two 8.5 x 11 sheets of pretty stationery with the best affirmations I could come up with at the time.

I’ve given credit where I can remember the source and I’d like to share them with you here:

  • I Love You, Erika.  I really Love You (Louise Hay)
  • Only GOOD lies before me (Louise Hay)
  • I create MY reality (Louise Hay)
  • I bring Love to everything
  • I have a beautiful Purpose that provides me with Abundance in all things.  I am blessed
  • Only Love is Real.  I am surrounded by Love
  • I gladly release all extra weight from my body and the thoughts that create it
  • I am a published and successful WRITER 🙂
  • I am aligned with my purpose
  • I forgive and set myself free (Louise Hay)
  • I am grateful for my healing
  • I have a beautiful and rewarding relationship with myself
  • I am INSPIRED!
  • I am SMOKE-FREE!
  • I learn something new every day
  • I am safe ~ I am loved ~ I am free ( I found this on someone’s blog one night when I was stranded at the airport in KC in an ice storm)
  • New teachers come to me
  • I have plenty of time and energy to do all that I want to do
  • I am blessed in all ways.  I am so grateful for my blessings

As with any change, it can be scary to take that first step, even if it’s just thinking in terms of changing something.  You have a lot more power than you think in terms of your reality.  Use your power wisely and use care in how you word your wishes.  A new Beamer would be cool, but if you receive it through an inheritance from someone you’d rather be spend more time with that’s not such a good thing.  Let me know if you’d like more tips on framing and writing affirmations, I’ve had a lot of practice.  🙂

May the Force be with you 🙂

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