Tag Archive: spirit


It’s not just you. Everywhere I’m seeing people struggling with overwhelm, exhaustion, personal crises, and seemingly impossible decisions to make and circumstances to navigate, and what makes it even more freaky is that we’re not able to see ourselves on the other side of whatever’s looming in our paths.
We’re living in very interesting times. The events that are unfolding on the world stage right now are way out of our ‘ordinary’, we’re being bumped and jostled way out of our comfort zones, and for good reason. We are on the brink of major change. So many of us have been holding on and hanging in, waiting for SOMETHING to happen, something that releases the pressure we’ve been feeling, that allows us to regain some semblance of ‘normal’ so we can feel right again and resume our lives where we left off before this chaotic feeling took over.

Something IS happening. Many things are happening, most behind the scenes and not on the news, but we FEEL them coming and we sometimes feel them when they pass by, giving us a moment or a few days of relief. Shit is getting REAL on every level. Many of us are so caught up in our personal stuff that we’re not even downloading what’s occurring on a national or world scale because it’s too much. We feel out of touch but too exhausted to pay much attention… and that’s where we’re succeeding. Even if you feel like all you’re doing is treading water, you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be, right now.

My loving advice to you, is to take care of yourself through these changing times, rearrange your priorities (some of us have already had to start that process), reset the values you place on things and people in your lives, decide what matters the most to you and when you have the bandwidth to deal with those things, do. In the meantime, deal with YOU. Acknowledge what you are feeling even if it’s negative or scary. Be with the emotions that come up. Don’t judge them or yourself for having them. Don’t blame someone else, just acknowledge YOUR feelings. Chances are they’re not all yours. Cry, scream, get angry, yell, pound your fists on the steering wheel, wail, keen, sob, and RELEASE that pressure. Make time. Do it a few times a week if you need to. Whatever emotional chaos that’s haunting you, give it a name and release it. What comes back to roost in that spot when you’re done will give you a new understanding of what matters to you. For me it’s been Peace, calm, compassion, Love, cooperation, tenderness, creativity…

The world needs you right now, friends. The more angst, anger, and sadness you release, the more space you create for something new and better and the less burden you’ll carry. The less entangled we are with our fears and anger, the less of it we bring to the rest of the world. The Earth and everything on it really needs our Love and our presence right now. We don’t necessarily need to be all up in everything that’s happening, but we do need to be present with what’s happening within ourselves. Listen to your bodies, get enough rest, take your emotions out for a walk and give them a long leash. Pay attention to where they take you, and then let them go. Change what you need to, let the rest work itself out. Nobody is super man or wonder woman right now, give yourselves a break. We might be in for a long stretch of this, but it gets better. The only way out is through. We are, all of us, completely safe.  ❤
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 Special thanks to Adam Trenholm for this lovely shot. 

∞  I went on a second first date last week with a boy I dated 17 years ago.  I ran into him at the county fair, it was the 2nd time this year and he asked me out again.  It took awhile to figure out what we were going to do on our outing, but we finally decided to go for a drive and that turned into lunch in a small mountain town about 3 hours away.  As soon as we cemented the plans I got pretty nervous and told him so.  I got back a text that said, “Sweet dreams, don’t worry about Monday.”  I did anyway.  6 hours in a car is a long time to spend with someone you haven’t seen in 17 years.  What would we talk about for that long?  I was glad we’d be driving, at least we’d have something to look at instead of staring at each other over a table in a restaurant somewhere trying to figure out what to say.  As it turned out he was right, I needn’t have worried.

I got up early and took a shower, did my chores and headed out to meet him.  Gorgeous day, little overcast.  Drove right to his place without a problem.  We decided to take my car (because it’s cool), and I let him drive (because he’s the man).  First thing he did was top off the tank.  Thumbs up.  We tried to find a Starbucks because I didn’t sleep much the night before but we didn’t see one so we kept going.  The conversation up the canyon was good; cars, racing, relationships, marriage, experience, a few spiritual experiences shared.  I noticed he smiles alot and his eyes smile too.  He’s compassionate and kind and he has wonderful laugh lines.  I like looking at him.  He listened to me and I felt like he heard me too, because he asked questions and empathized with what I was expressing.  Couldn’t believe how fast we got there.   Halfway up the canyon it was absolutely beautiful, big blue sky, warm, perfect.  Had a nice lunch in a cool cafe on the Main street in town.  More good conversation over lunch. I noticed I wasn’t nervous anymore.   After lunch we took a walk through town and looked at some antiques and for once I didn’t feel rushed.  I’m pretty sure he enjoyed it as much as I did.  Stopped in a convenience store with a gift shop and looked at some moose pajamas while he was looking for a real estate book.  He caught me looking and bought me a shirt (unexpected warm fuzzy), for experimental purposes {inside joke}.  Drove out of town talking and taking pictures and he thanked me.  Thanked me.  For the day, and the company, and the therapy of driving a really fun car in the mountains.  Gratitude.  I was touched.

We stopped at a rest stop and took some pictures and then stopped again at a lake down the road.  We walked down to the water and I took my shoes off and stood on the sharp rocks enjoying the cool.  Took a few ‘hippie” pictures of driftwood and wildflowers and he took some of the lake.  I told him I wanted to take home a rock to commemorate the day.  He helped me look and he found a good one.  Said it was our ‘friendship rock’ and gave me a squeeze.  I liked that a lot, the rock AND the squeeze. More warm fuzzies.

Got back in Paisley and drove down the mountain.  I don’t know that Paisley has ever enjoyed herself more, he drove her really well for someone who doesn’t drive ‘Mustakes’.  He liked her too and was surprised that she handles so well.  Got back to his place late afternoon and helped him hook up a printer and update some drivers on his machine.  Met his dad.  Spent some time out in the yard talking and he thanked me again for being there, then he took me to dinner at a really nifty bbq place in town and we had a beer.

After dinner he didn’t want to go home yet so we drove around and checked out the farm, the fields they farm, the house he’s thinking of renting, their shop, several houses he used to live in.  I told him I’d like a sunflower out of one of those fields.  He got right out and picked me one (extra points).  Brought it back to the car, set it in my lap.  It was gorgeous.  He said when that one wears out he’ll get me another.  We drove on.  Turned up one road and I couldn’t believe it.  I had stopped there the week before and taken pictures of that very same field of sunflowers.  His sunflowers.  He said, “See, we’re more connected that you think.”  Heart flipped and my eyes opened wide.  He speaks my language too.  Now he’s got my full attention.

Down the road from there was a house he thought I’d recognize and I did.  It was the house he lived in when I went out with him the first time.  Went there to watch movies, drink beer and eat pizza 17 years ago.  He’d  told me to bring my roommate so she could keep his roommate company.  I did.  They’ve been married 15 years last week.  I remember what I was wearing that night.  Surreal.

He stopped at a lake.  It’s the lake Bruce Willis drove his snowmobile into in Die Hard.  Apparently they never recovered it.  He said “I thought we’d take a walk around the lake, maybe”.  Shock and awe.  Who IS this guy?!  The moon was full.  He walked off for a minute and I sat there staring at the sky wondering how this date could get any better.  We stood at the edge of the water and tried to get some shots of the lights across the way on the lake but it didn’t work.  We walked for a while, the brush got deep so we came back and sat on a picnic table near the water.  I rubbed his shoulders a little while and then he pointed out something white out on the lake.  It was a swan moving around out there.  Too cool.  Swans symbolize self-transformation, creativity, intuition, sensitivity, love, purity, chance, beauty, longevity, grace, harmony, loyalty, the soul.  They mate for life.

Mosquitoes were eating him so we left.  Came to a turnoff with a grain elevator on the corner.  He asked me if I remembered that place and it felt really familiar but I couldn’t figure out why.  He said I spent a day with him once delivering barley there in a truck.  Still don’t remember that but it feels true and he knew what I was wearing… excellent memory.

We got back to his place around 10:00.  I told him thank you for the incredible day and told him the sunflower and rock were gonna be hard to beat.  He laughed.  He invited me in to watch a movie.  Went upstairs and laid side by side on the bed, holding hands and made it through a good half of Ghost Rider.  I was sleepy and happy and content and could have fallen asleep right there, but I didn’t.  At some point this man began to slowly and lightly caress my jaw line, my face, my hair, my neck, my mouth with his free hand.  I can’t remember ever being touched that way, at least not for long enough to notice.  Whatever wasn’t melted by the other events of the day didn’t waste any time softening up.  I was awestruck by how good it felt to be touched that way.  It made my breath shallow,  made me completely unaware of anything else but the way his fingers felt tracing my skin.  I was afraid to move for fear he would stop.  When I finally did, I glanced up at him and he was watching me.  Don’t know for how long, he surprised me and I looked away.  He didn’t.  He looked me right in the eyes for the longest time and then he kissed me, really kissed me,  took my face in both hands and kissed me deeply, like he meant it.  That was maybe the best kiss ever.  And when he did it all came back, I remembered kissing him before, all those years ago, his taste, his sweet smell, like earth and fire and sunflowers and I wished I could remember why I ever stopped kissing him.

I don’t know how much divine planning went into last Monday.  I don’t know which stars lined up just right, not sure why Mercury took that day off his retrograde pattern and I don’t know who to thank, specifically, for everything that happened so organically, but I can tell you for certain that I will never forget it.  There were more ‘moments’ in that one day for me than I can recall over the last several years put together and I’m profoundly grateful for the experience.  That day fed my soul like no other and on too many levels to count.  It was the mirror of my ideal day, I just didn’t know it til it happened.

To my date – Thank You-  from the bottom of my heart for giving me back my sense of value, wonder and appreciation for all that is good in the world, including myself and you.  Thank you for making me feel young and alive and desirable.  You have no idea what you’ve unlocked in me. You’ll be remembered fondly for the rest of my life for your part in this.  I couldn’t have custom ordered a better first date.

Namaste,  my friend, and thank you for the rock  ∞ E

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